A Prayer

A Prayer

Let me do my work each day;
and if the darkened hours
of despair overcome me, may I
not forget the strength
that comforted me in the
desolation of other times.

May I still remember the bright
hours that found me walking
over the silent hills of my
childhood, or dreaming on the
margin of a quiet river,
when a light glowed within me,
and I promised my early God
to have courage amid the
tempests of the changing years.

Spare me from bitterness
and from the sharp passions of
unguarded moments. May
I not forget that poverty and
riches are of the spirit.
Though the world knows me not,
may my thoughts and actions
be such as shall keep me friendly
with myself.

Lift up my eyes
from the earth, and let me not
forget the uses of the stars.
Forbid that I should judge others
lest I condemn myself.
Let me not follow the clamor of
the world, but walk calmly
in my path.

Give me a few friends
who will love me for what
I am; and keep ever burning
before my vagrant steps
the kindly light of hope.

And though age and infirmity
overtake me, and I come not within
sight of the castle of my dreams,
teach me still to be thankful
for life, and for time's olden
memories that are good and
sweet; and may the evening's
twilight find me gentle still.

~ Max Ehrmann ~

(The Desiderata of Happiness)

Tis the Season

Merry Christmas!

October and November saw me shuttling from one class to another. The tight and tiring sked prevented me from updating my blog and putting my musings down pat.

The Christmas holidays will be spent in my mama's home in the suburbs. Having lugged my trusted laptop along, i now find myself up to the challenge of writing down some thoughts tonight...


Could there be a better wish out there? I mean, how does it really go, this thing about wishes? What's the criteria? How does the fortunate wisher get his wish?

Ah, muddled thoughts!

I have always known that wishes are prayers, too.

I'm forty-eight, do i still get a Christmas wish?

Heaven help me!

Dry Spell

How do i explain the long silence? And explain to whom? Why explain?

Waters of September

The following is a poem i wrote in 1975 when i was in my sophomore year of high school. I have long forgotten about this poem until my mom showed me a clipping from our school newspaper. I felt it is very appropriate to publish it here, in time for the month.

The Waters of September

From a lonely cloud,
I fell down to earth
To kiss those flowers
Who need a shower
For I, the waters of September,
Bring forth the love
And blessings from Above.

After the kisses;
I gather myself
To create a pool
and simply move on
Through endless streams,
And down the deep seas
To await my next journey.

Waiting for the sun to shine
And the warmth of the air
For I, the waters of September
Have to meet thee again.
To resume my cycle, so await me,
Come September, I shall shower thee
With life-giving kisses!

Gentle Precipitation

Everybody loves the rain! Most people i've talked to tell me they like it when it rains because it's cool, breezy and sentimental. I couldn't agree more.

For me, the rain is like a friend who comes to visit. It brings many memories of times gone by. Sentimental, but warm and reassuring.

I love the rain! Even the mere sound of raindrops on the balcony brings a good feeling. It sounds just the way it did many, many years ago when i was a young schoolboy watching the street from our window. I could hear the patter of raindrops just i could see them fall on the gravel, how they would light up whenever a vehicle would come splashing by... i remember times like these while waiting for my mother to come home from school... she would be home in time for dinner and as certain as the rains, she would fill our home with warmth and so much love!

It's amazing how the raindrops still sound the same... they patter as if i were that young schoolboy again... basking in my mother's love.

I love the rain.

Mellowing...

I like to tell my students about how much i have changed and mellowed through the years. When they hear that, many of them find it hard to believe that the mild-mannered coach in front of them was actually a seething, mean BITCH, many years ago! This personal disclosure is necessary in some of my Personal Growth classes. At the risk of sounding self-centered, i rarely talk about myself to my students, but when it becomes necessary, i am willing to bare fragments of my soul.

Yup, i had that mean, immature streak in me when i was much, much younger. And that was sad. Because for people who didn't really know all of me, that streak was all they saw in me. And they could not be blamed for that.

But how i've changed! Sometimes i still surprise myself about how mellowed, laid-back and cool i have become through these years. I don't get easily stressed now. And i don't fly the handle at the slightest provocation anymore.

It all started when i realized that whatever happened to me...i had control over things and that most of these things were outcomes of MY decisions. So i stopped blaming, cursing and bitching! I learned to take personal responsibility of my actions and words.

Now, i'm enjoying life from a much, much better view!

I'm sharing a very insightful excerpt from Stephen Covey, the 90/10 Principle. It has been going around the emails for some time now. And i just re-discovered it in one of my folders...


The 90/10 Principle
by Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean?

We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react. Let's use an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react? You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.

She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is " D". You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It is ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios.
Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.


Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off.
Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger.

Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it.

The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It CAN change your life!!!

Another year... a million miracles

Happy birthday to me!

Thresholds

I moved to a new, better place last week. The condo building is being renovated so they offered me to transfer to a new unit on the second floor. Moving stresses me... but this time i took it light and easy. Still, the hassles are there: sorting, packing, moving out, moving in, unpacking, sorting...

Just like life... we move through one threshold after another... sometimes we don't even notice we are in a new place and how smoothly we have crossed from one point to another. But there are times when change can come so suddenly and harshly. I resent change that jolts or unnerves me. I guess, who does?

I am happily dating now. Meeting new friends. Moving on. Although i'm not sure where this is all leading to, but i find it a welcome pace in my solitary life.

I'm moving into a new phase in my life. And i'm taking it light and easy. May God grant me another go at it!

Letting Go...

Nag-iisa, wala ka na

papalubog na naman ang ilaw
nagpapaalam na naman ang araw
ang gabi ay muling mamayani
at ang lamig ay hahaplos sa pisngi

ilang araw na ang lumipas
magmula nang ika’y magpaalam
ilang gabi na ang nagdaraan
ang pag-iisa’y tila ‘di na makayanan

ngunit kailangan kong indahin ang lamig ng gabi
ngunit kailangan kong tanggapin wala ka na sa tabi
nag-iisa, wala ka na
wala ka na, nag-iisa

ala-ala’y nagbabalik sa aking isip
mga larawan ng bawat sandali
pag-ibig nating sinumpaan
ipinangako sa liwanang ng buwan

ngunit kailangan kong indahin ang lamig ng gabi
ngunit kailangan kong tanggapin wala ka na sa tabi
wala ka na, nag-iisa
nag-iisa, wala ka na

ngunit kailangan ko nang masanay
at tanggapin na lumisan ka na ng tunay
ang lahat lahat ay bubuti ang pag-ibig ay mananatili
langit, lagi hanggang sa walang hanggan.

Music & Lyrics: Noel Cabangon

Like Ships in the Night

Today i received a very sad news... a man who was my former boss passed away. He used to own the TV network i was part of way back in 1991. He was a good man to me. Kind and gentle to me despite the many other impressions he gave to others. I have always felt he took kindly to me, sort of fatherly... in more ways than one. I can only guess if others also saw this in him. But for me, he was a very good man. His parting is also my loss.

But then again, a sense of loss has become like a shadow for me. Always there cloaking me in every corner. Sometimes i can see it clearly, but often i can just sense it. It's a blunt feeling, which makes it heavier i guess.

Next month will be that time of year when i remember Mai the most. He fell ill in July and passed away in August. It has been four years now but it seems just like yesterday. Everything is still so vivid to me. That brief fraction of time seems to overwhelm the many years we've spent together. Maybe it's my way of holding his memories close to me. I have long gotten over of his demise, but Mai will remain alive in my heart... in my smile.. in my triumphs... in my weakest moment... in my tears... in my life.

But i've really gotten used to it all. I know Mai is gone... really gone. But our love will burn forever until our Ships meet in the night once more!

May they all rest in peace!

Modern Day Heroes

I almost let the month slip by without posting a thing! Thank God for the let up, now i have the time to put in some thoughts.

I have been busy with my annual project with United Laboratories, Inc. (Unilab) and the Philippine Medical Association (PMA) for their yearly Dr. Jose P. Rizal Memorial Awards (JPRMA). It's a search for Filipino Physicians of Distinction. This year, the awarding ceremonies was held the Fiesta Pavilion of the Manila Hotel. It's the 17th JRMPA, and it's my fifth time to direct and organize the event. What an experience! Tiresome...but very gratifying!

From the nominees, four category winners were chosen by a distinguished panel of judges. I felt sad Gov. Vilma Santos - Recto, one of the judges, did not make it to the event. It would have been great to see her again, after all these years!

To all the winner, my heartfelt congratulations!

On Irony...

What in TIME makes us FREE?
What in FREEDOM makes us less free?

On Faith...

The following is a dramatic reading written and performed by Richard
Harris on his album, "Slides" [copyright 1971 by ABC Records]. As a young boy i used to hear it being played on the FM radio during the lenten season. Many years later, this piece would be a favorite material for my friends and i whenever we felt like shooting the breeze in the then so bare Greenbelt Park, some twenty five years ago!

According to some accounts, this was written with regards to the fighting in Northern Ireland which was particularly bloody around that time. But a deeper look into the prevalent mood of the piece, i think it does have a more universal appeal.


"There Are Too Many Saviours On My Cross"

There are too many saviours on my cross
lending their blood to flood out my ballot-box
with needs of their own.

Who put you there?
Who told you that that was your place?

You carry me secretly naked in your hearts,
and clothe me publicly in armour, saying
"God is on our side,"
Yet I openly cry
"Who is on My side? Who, tell Me who?
You who buried your sons and crippled your fathers
whilst you buried My Father in crippling His Son."

The antiquated Saxon sword, rusty in its scabbard of time,
now rises.
You gave it cause in My name,
bringing shame to the thorned head that once bled for
your salvation.
I hear your cries in the far-off byways, and your
mouth pointing north and south,
and my Calvary looms again, desperate in rebirth.
Your earth is partitioned but in contrition
it is the partition in your hearts that you must abolish.

You nightly watchers of Gethsemane,
who sat through my nightly trial delivering me from evil,
now, deserted, I watch you share your silver.
Your purse, rich in hate, bleeds my veins of love,
shattering my bone in the dust of the Boxside
and the Shaghill Road.

There is no issue stronger than the tissue of love,
no need as holy as the palm outstretched in the
run of generosity,
no monstrosity greater than the anger you inflict.

Who gave you the right to increase your fold while
decreasing the pastures of My flock?
Who gave you the right? Who gave it to you, who?
and in whose name do you fight?

I am not in heaven,
I am here, hear Me.
I am with you, see Me,
I am in you, feel Me,
I am of you, be Me,
I am for you, need Me.
I am all mankind, only through kindness will you reach Me.

What masked and bannered men can rock the ark
and navigate a course to their own anointed kingdom come?
Who sailed their captain to waters that they troubled
in My font, sinking in the ignorant seas of prejudice?

There is no virgin willing to conceive in the heat of
any bloody Sunday.
You children, lying in cries on Derry streets,
pushing your innocence into the full-flushed face of Christian guns,
battling the blame on each other,
Do not grow tongues in your dying dumb wounds speaking My name.
I am not your prize in your death,
you have exorcised Me in your game of politics.

Go home to your knees, and worship Me in any cloth,
for I was never tailor-made.
And who told you I was? Who gave you the right to think it?
Take your beads in your crippled hands.
Can you count My decades?
Take My love in your crippled hearts.
Can you count the loss?


I am not orange, I am not green,
I am a half-ripe fruit, needing both colors to grow into ripeness,
and shame on you to have withered my orchard!

I, in my poverty, alone and without trust,
cry shame on you and shame on you again and again
for converting Me into a bullet and shooting Me into men's hearts.

The ageless legend of My trial grows old, and the youth of your pulse,
staggering shamelessly from barricade to grave,
filing in the book of history My needless death one April,
Let Me in My betrayal lie low in My grave,
and you in your bitterness lie low in yours,
for our measurements grow strangely dissimilar.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, sullied be Thy Name!

On Growing Up...

The last week found me busy with classes for mostly teen students in acting, voice communication and believeability. There were three students who stood out among the rest. Not so much because they were smarter or better-looking than the others but for their insights and mature disposition.

It dawned on me that soon, they will, like most youngsters, lose their youthful innocence and surrender to the busy, hectic rat-race of our so-called lives!

But before that could happen, i plan to share with them the poem by Rudyard Kipling. This poem is poignant and stirring in all it's simplicity. It is the same piece my late father recited to me when i was about twelve or thirteen:

[IF]
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Musings with Maryo J. delos Reyes

Every now and then, when i have a lot of free time in my hands and the subject is worth the effort, i turn in feature articles for the Philippine Daily Inquirer's Saturday Special. The editor, Nestor Torre has always been so gracious enough to spare me a few spaces in his section. Today, i will start reprinting here some of my past works in hope of sharing with you some of my thoughts...

As a first installment, i am reprinting an article i wrote about one of my favorite film makers, Maryo J. delos Reyes... read on.

Maryo J., 30 years and 90 films later.


(From Philippine Daily Inquirer)

Byline: Gabby L. Reinoso

AS if on cue, the heavy downpour came to a halt as I caught a glimpse of Direk Maryo J. delos Reyes making his way into the restaurant. With the heavy traffic building up on the streets, it came as a pleasant surprise that the multi-awarded film director sauntered in punctually for this interview.

Ironic truth

Maryo J.'s last movie, "Laman," was successful despite its R-18 rating. This was sweet vindication for the soft-spoken director, who had to knock on the censors' doors to appeal the X rating they initially gave the movie. While putting the incident behind him, Maryo J. comes up with a ironic truth: "Gusto natin maniwala na high-tech na tayo, pero ang utak natin, low-tech pa rin!"

Perhaps it was not by accident that Maryo's first opus, "High School Circa '65," was a movie about young lives caught up in the moral struggle of the adults around them.

Maryo elicited sterling performances from a host of ensemble actors who breathed life into societal stereotypes with such credibility that some of the movie's scenes reminded viewers of events in their own high school life.

Arena

For the first time, he was thrown into an arena where artistic expression would have to be tempered by business and economic realities. And Maryo was quick to learn. In time, he was turning out a string of commercially viable hits with pertinent themes, like "Annie Batungbakal," and "Bagets."

But before falling into the commercial rut, Maryo admits that his peers who believed in his capability to rise above the box-office formula challenged him. "Tagos ng Dugo," starring Vilma Santos, would be his effective response to that challenge.

The success of "Tagos" confirms the notion that, once balance is attained, quality need not suffer in favor of commercialism. Nowadays, Maryo continues to make commercial films, but he has a couple of surprises up his sleeves.

"I realized that good materials would come to me, but when they do, it takes time to distill them and make them work. Maybe some of them need fine-tuning and adjustments, but when I hit upon good material, I pitch for it and work hard to bring it to life onscreen.

"'Ang Paraiso ni Efren' is one such material," says Maryo. The movie was a look into the world of gay relationships and starred hunk Anton Bernardo and Alan Paule.

Three generations

One script that has come Maryo's way and reduced him to tears is Michiko Yamamoto's "Magnifico Magikero." The movie provides Maryo the privilege of directing three generations of the country's finest actors, including Gloria Romero, Celia Rodriguez, Lorna Tolentino, Amy Austria, Albert Martinez, Danilo Barrios, Allyson VII, Jiro Manio and Dindin Llanera.

But in the meantime, after megging some 90 movies in three decades, Maryo has put another film in the can: "Bedtime Stories" launches Maricar de Mesa in her bid for sexy stardom via its trilogy of "themes and styles" as Maryo describes it. The movie, which tackles sadomasochism, necrophilia and the drug Ecstacy, is a shoo-in as another controversy-laden film.

What about a remake of "High School Circa '65"? "Yes and no," Maryo says. "No, because I do not want to repeat myself. And yes, I would consider a remake but maybe set it in another era, perhaps 1975, the time when our country was experimenting with martial law," he muses, a mischievous smile crossing his face, and eyes lighting up. One can only guess what the man is thinking!

The April Fools

Suddenly, the skies have been breaking out into rains... in summer!
April showers are upon us, but the heat can really be draining...
so i put on some music from my past...

In an April dream
Once she came to me
When you smiled I looked into your eyes
And I knew I'd be loving you
and then you touched my hand
And I learned April dreams can come true

Oh are we just April fools
Who can't see all the danger around us
If we're just April fools
I don't care, true love has found us now

Little did we know
Where the road would lead
Here we are a million miles away from the past
Travelin' so fast now
There's no turning back
If our sweet April dream doesn't last

Are we just April fools
Who can't see all the danger around us
If we're just April fools
I don't care, we'll find our way somehow
No need to be afraid
True love has found us now

The April Fools, Lyrics: Burt Bacarach, Performed by Dionne Warwick

At 52... In Memoriam

He would have been 52 last March 17.
I only only knew him until he was 48.
But i have memories of him to last me a Lifetime!

Happy Birthday, Mai! You are loved!
May you find your Pathway to Paradise!

Weekends with Mama

It's about time i wrote something about my mother... my inspiration and role model. As a teacher herself, Mama taught primary school children until her retirement. Up to this day, i can only marvel at her patience and determination at handling 40 seven-year-old pupils per school year, for more than twenty years!

For the last twenty years of my own life, i have been spending weekends with Mama at our family home somewhere in the suburban south. Her cooking was something to look forward to, but more importantly, it is the mother-son time that i really cherish most.

On weekends, Mama and i will spend hours swapping stories and thoughts on the latest matters: siblings, friends, celebrities, work, relatives. Although not necessarily in that order! Mama would be her usual supportive self. Forever encouraging me with my hopes and dreams, she never fails to put in a wise word or two. Ah, mothers are God's gift to ageing guys like me!

As i grow older, these moments have become more precious to me. Perhaps, weekends like these are the strongest links that will bind us together... across distance, beyond time and space.

I LOVE you Mama!

On My Own...

I caught an episode in a recent local talk show about men living alone. Naturally, i was drawn to the discussion as i am, for over four years now, living all on my own. Except for the occasional trips to our family home on weekends, i spend my days... and nights... alone in my room in a condo i am renting in Makati.

Since my partner, Mai, passsed away, i have slowly adjusted to waking up and going to bed alone... but am i lonely? No, not anymore. Quietly, i have taken to accepting my present state-of-affairs and stopped battling with myself over thoughts of self-pity and longing.

We are never alone. Even when we think we are on our own, we never really are. God created the universe so perfectly that for one to think that he can be detached from everyone and everything is utter arrogance. You only have to look to the skies at night or feel the gentle breeze to really know that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!

On Love...

This is quite a belated entry for Valentine's simply because, as you would have surmised by now, i am completely unattached....

But thanks to the Carpenters... these are my thoughts exactly!


The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing
There's someone in this crazy world for me
The way that people come and go through temporary lives
My chance could come and I might never know

I used to say "No promises, let's keep it simple"
But freedom only helps you say goodbye
It took a while for me to learn that nothing comes for free
The price I paid is high enough for me

I know I need to be in love
I know I've wasted too much time
I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world
And fool enough to think that's what I'll find

So here I am with pockets full of good intentions
But none of them will comfort me tonight
I'm wide awake at 4 a.m. without a friend in sight
I'm hanging on a hope but I'm all right

[Richard Carpenter, John Bettis, & Albert Hammond, Need to be In Love]

When Autumn Comes...

Saturday was spent coaching a class of teenagers on group communication. The students were from various backgrounds. But mostly from private schools in Metro Manila.

It was an eye-opening session for me since i have always shunned handling classes with teens as i have always felt uneasy with the age group. However, that afternoon proved me wrong! There i was, exchanging views with teeners and listening to their mature views and awesome insights about politics, religion, poverty, success, fears and life in general.

Most of the views they expressed were a bit cliches, but at that very moment as they were spoken from the mouths of babes, it all came out as gems of truth!

They are concerned about pollution and its effect on the planet.

They are worried that they are growing too fast and in the process, losing their child-like innocence.

They regret putting limits to their capabilities simply because they fear it might be un-cool to excel and be a smart person.

They value the love of their parents, family and friends.

They are excited about the future just as they are anxious about what it brings them.

Ah, sweet Youth! Where have i lost you? Why has autumn come so soon?

Citizen of the Earth

Tomorrow, Monday, i'm off to the DFA to renew my passport. It's a good thing that they now have an online appointment service for passport renewals [http://www.dfa.gov.ph]. It's the first time i'm using this service and i hope it's really more convenient. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

It just occured to me, why do we need passports? I hope the day will come when men will no longer live in a world of nations. Instead, people shall all belong and live freely under one sky in a singluar world called Earth.

But then again, that is just a thought...

A Still Center...

Whenever i get down or worried about something, which as a self-confessed OC happens quite a lot, i play my favorite Gosh Groban cds and start meditating my blues away.

I have learned a long time ago that despite all the difficulties one encounters in a day, it is best to remember to flick on that "still center." That feeling deep inside that gives you warmth and assurance that amid all the chaos, everything shall come to pass...and peace will reign. It's called Faith.

Idealistic? I beg to differ. My still center has carried me through many, many storms...safely back to shore.

Find it, your still center.

Life's Little Addictions

I'm a COKE addict!

There... i've said it! No, not cocaine but COCA COLA, the soda drink. There was a time when i could drink a whole 1.5 liter all in one lunch time. Not my proudest moment because i know it's not really good for my health.

But what's a guy to do? I just love its taste and after taste. That zing it brings to my quenched mouth. Oh well, this post is dedicated to my favorite drink... Coke!

And no, this is not an advertisement. And in case you're wondering, yes, i am sipping a can as i write this entry! Cheers!

On Grief

If there were no tears to wallow our hearts... there would be no place for joy!
[Angel Anden]

Sometimes, grieving can be good. It can be cathartic and liberating. It's a process. I've always felt that each time i feel pain or despair i would emerge a new person. A stronger person.

I think sufferings are there to polish us; to get rid of the old husky skin and bring out the new, fresh cover. Ah! Sometimes i can really get too positive for comfort.

[The photo is by photographer Eolo Perfido. More at www.eoloperfido.com]

On Books...

My friend Dante and i went to our favorite bookstore last Saturday. It has been quite some time now since i did some book shopping. With no particular title in mind, i browsed through covers and pages, hoping to find something interesting.

There must have been only three other customers in the store when we got there. But after a few minutes, the floor started to get busy. This made me think to myself and smile. It was nice to know that some people, like my friend Dante and i, still preferred their doses of knowledge from books and magazines! Well, maybe not as much people as there were at the video shops, but relatively speaking, it was a good number.

I have heard of some lamentations a few years ago that less and less filipinos were reading. Maybe it's not just because of the internet but also the fact that good books are becoming a rarity in our schools.

I wonder... could there still be a child out there, sitting in a library, getting lost in world only books can take him to?

Arch of Friendship

The Arch of Friendship in Kiev.

On Teaching...

One of my students was curious enough to ask me in class why do i like teaching. That must have been asked of me quite a number of times, and each time i find it surprising that they even had to ask! I love teaching. It is a passion for me.

My mother was a schoolteacher and my first teacher at home. I remember days when she would be preparing her visual aids and i would be sitting from across our dining table, watching her and trying to read her flip charts upside down. It was so much fun that i looked foward to my own first day of school!

Nowadays, a teacher must really be more than just a repository of knowledge in class. The teacher has to compete for the students' attention. What with all the technological gadgets and internet at their disposal. Their attention span is now shorter than that of a five-year old!!! I discovered early on that i was more effective when i "performed" for my students rather than just "teach."

My students have become my regular audience for my "daily shows". We laugh a lot in class and have fun, but at the end of the day, i'm certain that something has been learned.

I love teaching. It is my passion!

Easy..breezy.. and light

Let's take it easy...

Mornings...

Some people are amazed when i tell them i always wake up at 5 a.m. even after a long night. I have been that way since i can really remember. And i'm not complaining!

I love mornings! The promise they bring: new hopes... new beginnings.

When i was about 6 or 7 years old, i would wake up very early in the morning and walk in the chilly dawn to our favorite neighborhood bakery to buy our daily ration of pan de sal. This ritual will go on until i was in my fourth year high school: waking up, washing my face with cold water and walking down Libertad street to get my freshly baked bread.

The smell of hot pan de sal in a chilly December was almost magical to me. They would be so tempting that sometimes i ended up eating more than my share even before i got home! Lagot! kulang na ang hatian!

Thoughts like these make me truly grateful for my parents who taught me early on in my life that "we all have to do our share." Growing up in a family of nine, my unspoken role was that of the errand boy: doing the runs for almost anything we needed from the store.

I enjoyed that role! Not just for the perks i may sometimes get from our "suking tindahan," but more for the long walks i would take...and the many magical dreams i dreamt along the way...

First Thoughts

There have been many previous attempts, but i guess i've finally got down to starting my own blog. Maybe it is about time. After all, knowing myself, it was pretty much but a matter of time.

Ah time... i seem to have much of it in my hands now. Between classes and clients, i'm very fortunate to have some 'me" time left. I really cherish moments like these... peace and quiet...just the hum of motors running in the distance... i've always found the droll of the water pump lulling...almost hypnotic.

This is my first entry... and it's dedicated to Mai Baranda, my partner, lover and best friend. He passed away in 2004, a day shy from my birthday. Ironic? Not really, i find it quite poetic, infact. Although he is gone to that rainbow's end... i'm almost certain the memory of him will creep into these pages every now and then... just like a welcome breeze.

Rosemary Blue was one of our favorite songs. The poignant lyrics lend well to how Mai and i felt about parting and death. Anyone of us would have wanted the other to wear our grief like flowers in our hair...

There For Me was actually a song Mai introduced to me way back in 1983. It came from La Bionda's album that he lent me. Actually, it was in cassette format... how i wish i could have saved it in dvd. But thanks to the internet...i get to play the mp3 from youtube every now and then....

In Memoriam

Mai [March 17, 1956 - August 1, 2004]

"Don't bring your flowers to the churchyard/Only the past is waiting there..." - Rosemary Blue

Mai was a gentle person... never raised his voice even everyone else has. Sometimes i wondered if he was ever capable of anger. But as the months grew on, i learned more about him, his simple ways, his graciousness, his sense of adventure, his dedication.

Mai Baranda was my editor at World Executive's Digest. The first thing i really noticed about him as he sauntered into the waiting room was his great fashion sense! He was a bit overweight, i thought, but still his presence was captivating. And that smile! His features were a cross between William Martinez and Lloyd Samartino... of course, many eons ago. Mai was very endearing.

Mai spoke in a soft voice... he was a genteel ilonggo despite that fact that he only set foot in Negros, their homeland, but once. But he spoke with utmost care, as if he was editing his own words in his mind... his brilliant mind.

Mai had a brilliant mind... he was a bastion for information and trivia. How he loved to pass the hours figuring out crossword puzzles and quizzes. And many years later, he would become my mother's ally whenever she was lost for a name, a word or an information. Mai was a dependable source of facts, figures and even historical events. A voracious reader, Mai was capable of reading a whole book in half a day with much comprehension. Well, he wasn't an editor for nothing!

Mai was my best friend...

"If there were no tears to wallow our hearts, then there wouldn't be place for joy..."

I'm sick. It has been three days now and this cough hasn't gone away. My mother has turned doctor with all sorts of medications for me to take... thank God for mothers! At least i get a good night's sleep. The flu has been going around... the cold weather is upon us.

Mai was sick, too. For the many years that i have known him, Mai was perennially pestered by acute gout. It was sad for a guy like him who loved to move around..he loved to dance, take long walks, play volleyball, swim... but as his condition worsened his activities were limited... one by one.

But it came to pass.... the pain...the sadness. I know Mai knows that more than i do!

Rosemary Blue

You tried to wake me in the morning, this was our moment of goodbye... you asked me once how long i'd love you, i told you till the day i die...

And now at last my life is over, you cannot go where i have gone... i won't be there to share tomorrow, i love you so, but life goes on...

Dry your eyes, Rosemary Blue, take a look around there's a world outside that waits for you...

Live your life, Rosemary Blue, put your lonely tears away, wait and see there'll come a day, i'd be with you...

We used to walk the world together, and found our love along the way... but now you must go on without me, we cannot live in yesterday...

Don't bring your flowers to the churchyard, only the past is waiting there... you should be out somewhere forgetting, wearing those flowers in your hair...

music: Neil Sedaka lyrics: Howard Greenfield

"There For Me"

There for me, every time I've been away

Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday

Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say

Will you be there for me?

Just think of you and me, we could never tow the line

It's such a mystery just to hear you say you're mine

And while you're close to me, so close to me

Just hold me When you're feeling cold and all the city streets are grey

Walking all alone and watching how the children play

Voices in the wind and faces from the past go dancing by

They're asking why

Will you be there for me, every time I go away

Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday

Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say

Will you be there for me?

And while you're close to me, so close to me

Just hold me

Can you really want me more than for a little while?

What are the stories hiding there behind your smile?

Wishes in a dream and figures in a world that I could share

And everywhere

Will you be there for me

Will there ever come a day when all the world can see

Things were meant to be that way

Will you be there for me?

Can you hear the people say

That you're just

There for me

There for me

There for me

[La Bionda]