Tetchie Today

What I know now about Tetchie: aside from appearing in TV dramas, La Tetcha has completed a course in Psychology from Ateneo de Manila. Way to go!

The Bunny with Brains

Tetchie Agbayani is one of the few Filipinas who made it to the Playboy centerfold. But years before her "infamy" with the german edition of the gentleman's night-table- companion I met Techie at the Sampaguita Studios for an interview.

She was starring with Christopher de Leon in the Eddie Romero film "Kamakalawa".

The Tetchie I met was beautiful, alluring, bronze-skinned, articulate and intelligent. She was bubbly but spoke with caution as if weighing each word, each thought before blurting anything out. I complemented her on her recent cover pictorial and maybe sensing my disbelief she was prompt to say, "Madaya ba?"

She proceeded to explain that she was pretty good at posing and projecting despite her petite frame. She seemed a tad defensive that I wanted to tell her that the photos did not do much justice to her, to the beautiful person that I was seeing for the first time.

La Tetcha gave me much hope. Whatever preconceived notions I had about how snobbish artistas can be had completely dissipated. I was determined now, more than ever, to show the best side of show business. Thank you La Tetcha!

A Journey...

A semester shy from my graduation, I started looking for a part time summer job. The fates will bring me to an office in Malate, beside the St. Paul College. The advertisement called for a writer/publicist and feeling that it was something up my alley I presented myself for an interview.

Glenda Togonon interviewed and hired me on the spot. I would learn years later that Glenda is married to editorial artist Boy Togonon. It was after two days that I would meet the first person who would open doors for me to become part of the world of show business: Bibsy Carballo.

Bibsy is one of the more respected publicists in local showbiz. I think she took a liking for my writing style that she took me under wings as I trod the showbiz paths with much amusement and eagerness. Bibsy was very professional, yet motherly. We would drive around from one location to another in her yellow galant. She drove while giving me thoughtful lectures on showbiz do's and dont's. Offering a few angles here and there. As a neophyte, I was quick to scribble in my new little notepad.

I would go home at night and share my day's stories with my mom who was more than happy to be my sounding board.

Bibsy hoped to hone my skills in writing in Filipino but with a "legitimate" flavor, more substance, less gossip. I was excited and glad as she had seemed to see through me and read my thoughts.

As a psychology major in the state university, I was more inclined to write profiles and features.

Bibsy assigned me to do publicity articles for movies she was promoting. The year was 1981, a golden time for Philippine cinema. I couldn't have entered at a more auspicious time. My journey has begun.

In My LIfe

There are places i'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends i still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life i've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When i think of love as something new
Though i know i'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know i'll often stop and think about them
In my life i love you more

Though i know i'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know i'll often stop and think about them
In my life i love you more
In my life i love you more

Never Too Late

It's never too late to save the Earth. Please visit http://planetoverhaul.com to find out more about how you can do your share.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Lines Drawn So Carefully in the Past Have Largely Been Erased.
"This is the line!" Billy pressed hard with the yardstick as he drew a line, visible only to him and John, down the middle of their bedroom that would separate his side of the room from his older brother's.
"You cannot put your things on my side or come on my side of the line unless I say it's okay. This is my private property, so stay on your own side!" Billy said emphatically as he pointed the tip of the yardstick to John’s side of the room.
"That's just fine with me! And see to it that you stay on your side and don't you mess around with my things on my side when I'm not home, Twerp, or I'll punch you out!" came a forceful reply from John.
Even though the line through the middle of the room was imaginary, its power to establish boundaries that would be enforced, respected, even fought over by the parties involved was very real. The existence or power of such a line might be scoffed at as nonsensical child's-play, yet just such lines have always had a very important role in the lives of adults the world over.
Lines (Real, Imagined or Metaphoric) Draw Boundaries.
Consider the lines of longitude and latitude that crisscross any globe or map of the earth and are designated by incremental numbers called degrees. If you were to search the surface of the earth from an aircraft to observe these lines it would be in vain, yet these unseen lines are used to guide airplanes and ships to their destinations, to establish property lines, political boundaries, to locate sections of oceans or of land, to establish date lines, time lines, climate zones, to plot ocean and wind currents, and so on. Reference to lines can be used metaphorically, such as "the bottom line," "What's My Line?" as the TV show was called, "questioning along those lines." "That wolf hands everyone that same old line." Some lines are more concrete, literally, such as the Wall of China and the Berlin Wall. In any case, what happens on one side of a line or boundary is very different from what happens on the other side. Lines, real, metaphoric, or imagined, draw parameters that dictate what we do and how we do it. There is great security in lines, in the drawing of lines, for we learn what to expect and how to respond to whatever the line encompasses. If they are absent, no one knows quite what to do.
These lines represent the rules and laws pertaining to the rightness or wrongness of what we do or don't do. They are codes of behavior that include the preservation of life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, sanctity of the family, honesty in its many forms, sexual morality, rules of etiquette and ethics, protection of the environment, traffic laws, laws in the workplace, political, military, and business. It is universally recognized that these codes are necessary for civilizations to survive successfully. Civilizations rise or fall depending on how individual citizens respect and practice these codes of conduct.

What is being assertive?

Standing up for your rights and not being taken advantage of is one definition of being assertive.
It also means communicating what you really want in a clear fashion, respecting your own rights and feelings and the rights and feelings of others.
Assertion is an honest and appropriate expression of one's feelings, opinions, and needs.
How is Being Assertive different from Being Aggressive?
Being aggressive means standing up for yourself in ways that violate the rights of others.
Aggressive behavior is typically punishing, hostile, blaming, and demanding. It can involve threats, name-calling, and even actual physical contact. It can also involve sarcasm, catty comments, gossip and "slips of the tongue."

What causes people to avoid being assertive?
Most people are not assertive for fear of displeasing others and of not being liked. However, although you may avoid some immediate unpleasantness by not being assertive, you could also jeopardize the relationship in the long run if you refuse to assert yourself and then feel taken advantage of over and over again

How Assertive Are You?
Ask yourself the following questions.
• Do you ask for help if you need it?
• Do you express anger and annoyance appropriately?
• Do you ask questions when you're confused?
• Do you volunteer your opinions when you think or feel differently from others?
• Do you speak up in class fairly frequently?
• Are you able to say "no" when you don't want to do something?
• Do you speak with a generally confident manner, communicating caring and strength?
• Do you look at people when you're talking to them?

How Do You Communicate?

Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. Understanding your personal style of communicating will go a long way toward helping you to create good and lasting impressions on others. By becoming more aware of how others perceive you, you can adapt more readily to their styles of communicating. This does not mean you have to be a chameleon, changing with every personality you meet. Instead, you can make another person more comfortable with you by selecting and emphasizing certain behaviors that fit within your personality and resonate with another.
There are three basic communication styles:
• Aggressive
• Passive
• Assertive


Elements of the Aggressive Style
1. Mottos and Beliefs
o "Everyone should be like me."
o "I am never wrong."
o "I've got rights, but you don't."
2. Communication Style
o Close minded
o Poor listener
o Has difficulty seeing the other person's point of view
o Interrupts
o Monopolizing
3. Characteristics
o Achieves goals, often at others' expense
o Domineering, bullying
o Patronizing
o Condescending, sarcastic
4. Behavior
o Puts others down
o Doesn't ever think they are wrong
o Bossy
o Moves into people's space, overpowers
o Jumps on others, pushes people around
o Know-it-all attitude
o Doesn't show appreciation
5. Nonverbal Cues
o Points, shakes finger
o Frowns
o Squints eyes critically
o Glares
o Stares
o Rigid posture
o Critical, loud, yelling tone of voice
o Fast, clipped speech
6. Verbal Cues
o "You must (should, ought better)."
o "Don't ask why. Just do it."
o Verbal abuse
7. Confrontation and Problem Solving
o Must win arguments, threatens, attacks
o Operates from win/lose position
8. Feelings Felt
o Anger
o Hostility
o Frustration
o Impatience
9. Effects
o Provokes counteraggression, alienation from others, ill health
o Wastes time and energy oversupervising others
o Pays high price in human relationships
o Fosters resistance, defiance, sabotaging, striking back, forming alliances, lying, covering up
o Forces compliance with resentment
Elements of the Passive Style
1. Mottoes and Beliefs
o "Don't express your true feelings."
o "Don't make waves."
o "Don't disagree."
o "Others have more rights than I do."
2. Communication Style
o Indirect
o Always agrees
o Doesn't speak up
o Hesitant
3. Characteristics
o Apologetic, self-conscious
o Trusts others, but not self
o Doesn't express own wants and feelings
o Allows others to make decisions for self
o Doesn't get what he or she wants
4. Behaviors
o Sighs a lot
o Tries to sit on both sides of the fence to avoid conflict
o Clams up when feeling treated unfairly
o Asks permission unnecessarily
o Complains instead of taking action
o Lets others make choices
o Has difficulty implementing plans
o Self-effacing
5. Nonverbal Cues
o Fidgets
o Nods head often; comes across as pleading
o Lack of facial animation
o Smiles and nods in agreement
o Downcast eyes
o Slumped posture
o Low volume, meek
o Up talk
o Fast, when anxious; slow, hesitant, when doubtful
6. Verbal Cues
o "You should do it."
o "You have more experience than I do."
o "I can't......"
o "This is probably wrong, but..."
o "I'll try..."
o Monotone, low energy
7. Confrontation and Problem Solving
o Avoids, ignores, leaves, postpones
o Withdraws, is sullen and silent
o Agrees externally, while disagreeing internally
o Expends energy to avoid conflicts that are anxiety provoking
o Spends too much time asking for advice, supervision
o Agrees too often
8. Feelings Felt
o Powerlessness
o Wonders why doesn't receive credit for good work
o Chalks lack of recognition to others' inabilities
9. Effects
o Gives up being him or herself
o Builds dependency relationships
o Doesn't know where he or she stands
o Slowly loses self esteem
o Promotes others' causes
o Is not well-liked
Elements of the Assertive Style
1. Mottoes and Beliefs
o Believes self and others are valuable
o Knowing that assertiveness doesn't mean you always win, but that you handled the situation as effectively as possible
o "I have rights and so do others."
2. Communication Style
o Effective, active listener
o States limits, expectations
o States observations, no labels or judgments
o Expresses self directly, honestly, and as soon as possible about feelings and wants
o Checks on others feelings
3. Characteristics
o Non-judgmental
o Observes behavior rather than labeling it
o Trusts self and others
o Confident
o Self-aware
o Open, flexible, versatile
o Playful, sense of humor
o Decisive
o Proactive, initiating
4. Behavior
o Operates from choice
o Knows what it is needed and develops a plan to get it
o Action-oriented
o Firm
o Realistic in her expectations
o Fair, just
o Consistent
o Takes appropriate action toward getting what she wants without denying rights of others
5. Nonverbal Cues
o Open, natural gestures
o Attentive, interested facial expression
o Direct eye contact
o Confident or relaxed posture
o Vocal volume appropriate, expressive
o Varied rate of speech
6. Verbal Cues
o "I choose to..."
o "What are my options?"
o "What alternatives do we have?"
7. Confrontation and Problem Solving
o Negotiates, bargains, trades off, compromises
o Confronts problems at the time they happen
o Doesn't let negative feelings build up
8. Feelings Felt
o Enthusiasm
o Well being
o Even tempered
9. Effects
o Increased self-esteem and self-confidence
o Increased self-esteem of others
o Feels motivated and understood
o Others know where they stand
Clearly, the assertive style is the one to strive for. Keep in mind that very few people are all one or another style. In fact, the aggressive style is essential at certain times such as:
• when a decision has to be made quickly;
• during emergencies;
• when you know you're right and that fact is crucial;
• stimulating creativity by designing competitions destined for use in training or to increase productivity.
Passiveness also has its critical applications:
• when an issue is minor;
• when the problems caused by the conflict are greater than the conflict itself;
• when emotions are running high and it makes sense to take a break in order to calm down and regain perspective;
• when your power is much lower than the other party's;
• when the other's position is impossible to change for all practical purposes (i.e., government policies, etc.).
Remaining aware of your own communication style and fine-tuning it as time goes by gives you the best chance of success in business and life.

A Code for Life

Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements was published in 1997. For many, The Four Agreements is a life-changing book, whose ideas come from the ancient Toltec wisdom of the native people of Southern Mexico. The Toltec were 'people of knowledge' - scientists and artists who created a society to explore and conserve the traditional spiritual knowledge and practices of their ancestors. The Toltec viewed science and spirit as part of the same entity, believing that all energy - material or ethereal - is derived from and governed by the universe. Here is how Don Miguel Ruiz summarizes 'The Four Agreements':

Agreement 1
Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Agreement 2
Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Agreement 3
Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Agreement 4
Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Habits for Success

Dr Stephen Covey's
7 Habits of Highly Effective People®
Dr Stephen Covey, a renowned writer, speaker, academic and humanist, is a hugely influential management guru, whose book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, became a blueprint for personal development when it was published in 1990. The Seven Habits are said by some to be easy to understand but not as easy to apply. Don't let the challenge daunt you: The 'Seven Habits' are a remarkable set of inspirational and aspirational standards for anyone who seeks to live a full, purposeful and good life, and are applicable today more than ever, as the business world becomes more attuned to humanist concepts. Covey's values are full of integrity and humanity, and contrast strongly with the process-based ideologies that characterized management thinking in earlier times.
Seven habits of highly effective people®
Habit 1 - be proactive®
This is the ability to control one's environment, rather than have it control you, as is so often the case. Self determination, choice, and the power to decide response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances
Habit 2 - begin with the end in mind®
Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership - leading oneself that is, towards what you consider your aims. By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.
Habit 3 - put first things first®
Covey calls this the habit of personal management. This is about organizing and implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. Covey says that habit 2 is the first or mental creation; habit 3 is the second or physical creation.
Habit 4 - think win-win®
Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because achievements are largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. He says that win-win is based on the assumption that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach more naturally than the confrontation of win-or-lose.
Habit 5 - seek first to understand and then to be understood®
One of the great maxims of the modern age. This is Covey's habit of communication, and it's extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his simple analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe'. Simple and effective, and essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life.
habit 6 - synergize®
Covey says this is the habit of creative co-operation - the principle that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the challenge to see the good and potential in the other person's contribution.
Habit 7 - sharpen the saw®
This is the habit of self renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all the other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. Covey interprets the self into four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the social/emotional, which all need feeding and developing.
This 7 Habits summary is just a brief overview - the full work is fascinating, comprehensive, and thoroughly uplifting. Read the book, or listen to the full tape series if you can get hold of it.
Various phrases on this page are registered trade marks belonging to Stephen Covey.