When Less is More

It's been a while since my last self-help post. For those who asked for more, here's an interesting piece from my favorite author, Susan Berkeley:

Here's a fascinating paradox.

The most boring people are often those who go on and on about themselves; while the most interesting and charismatic talkers are often those who say little or nothing at all!

These folks have grasped a fundamental truth: the average person spends almost all this time thinking and fantasizing about his most important concern: himself. Therefore, the more sincerely interested you are in others, the more they will be interested in you.

Luckily, there are five simple, yet powerful ways to improve rapport with others.

1.    LISTEN TWICE AS MUCH AS YOU SPEAK. Train yourself to speak no more than three sentences in a row without pausing to let others respond.

    

2.    TAKE FIVE. After the other person stops speaking count to five before you say a word. This has three benefits. First: you give your brain a few moments to absorb what was said and formulate an intelligent reply. Second, you show the other person that what was said was worthy of consideration. Third, you avoid interrupting the other person who may have paused only to gather his thoughts.  

3.    USE CLARIFIERS. Always ask at least one clarifying question before responding with your point of view. Some good clarifiers are: "How so?" or "Can you elaborate?". This gives the other person the opportunity to say exactly what they mean. They will appreciate the courtesy.  

4.    PARAPHRASE. When the other person has finished speaking, tell them what you think you heard. They will be flattered that you gave them your undivided attention.    

 

5.    DON'T JUDGE or give advice unless specifically asked. Show your empathy by murmuring phrases such as: "I understand" or "If I were you I would feel exactly the same way."